It's Dirty Raven

Everything Random

Where do you want to go?

What’s the best thing in the world? Live life.

What’s my most feared thing to experience in life? Death.

But we can’t max out life if we don’t conquer our fear. We can’t accomplish anything if we let our fear take over us. What if fate pushes us to our limits, bring us to a challenge. We become wounded, we fall. Though, we shouldn’t let that stop us. Cry over the failure, don’t be afraid to overdo if that is what you are feeling at the moment. Once it is done, don’t forget to stand up again. Be determined that you’ll be doing better than the last, and never give up no matter how many times you fall. If there’s no failure, success doesn’t exist. Failure is nothing but another motive for us to do something better, and the best.

I am afraid of heights. I am afraid of closed spaces. That is why I am not a fan of airplanes, nor a crowd of people. Trains (MRT) at rush hours. Elevators. High-rise buildings. Those are my weak spots. Everytime I am exposed to these things, at extreme cases, my heart palpitates, cold sweats. I just let my mind do all the work – my brain tells my body to calm down countless times, and let my self think of other positive things, anything to distract myself.

At extreme cases I mean includes experiences like at times the train being stranded in the middle of the railway – turning off the aircon, no airflow inside, people are packed, literally I can’t breathe. For minutes I try to calm down myself as my heart starts to beat fast, I got cold sweats, I feel high, I feel like floating, head lightly spins, until aircon gets on again. I got off the next station grasping for air, the first thing I did was to sit on the bench and let myself calm down for a bit – before I walk and got out of the station. Elevators? Another experience on the office where I work, the elevator acts up intermittently. Yes, I once included in a pack of people stucked on an elevator. For a minute I panicked and pushed the emergency button along with others. Good thing it didn’t take 3 minutes of being stucked. From that moment, I use the stairs, fortunately we work on the 6th floor. And finally, airplanes. Turbulence gives me imagination of unacceptable images.

Though look at me now. I don’t have much accomplishments. Its because I let my fear take over me. What do I love and like to do in life? I don’t want to work. I want to do something I passionately love. Is web designing and development really my passion?  I don’t know. What crosses my mind for several times was to be an architect, to design buildings and see my work around the nation or the world; another was to be a veterinarian, or the one who saves and cures domestic animals, and the one who will build a decent adoption shelter for unfortunate animals;  or I want to be a nomadic traveller, the one who explores people and culture at the same time acquire different life experiences. But what more could I do at this age, I am truly a late bloomer who doesn’t realize my worth until its quite late. But what I seek now is experience rather than being a cave woman. The risk is, my life is not an exception to jeopardy if I go out there in the world. This currently puzzles me, how do I want my life be spent?

Travelling. I am not a prayer warrior, but I have faith, I trust Him. So wherever I go, I always make sure I have my 2 rosaries (given by my cousin, and one from my mother who bought the rosary from the Holy Land), and just recently, a novena card of St. Pio. When I carry those, I feel secured, I feel He is with me. Then, I can go on and experience life. And the budget? I have work, but the income goes to the bills. For now, I want to start to travel, even with a tight budget.

What are the significance with Christopher Mccandless, Julia Child, Steve Jobs to me? They all inspire me at different ways. Chris inspired me to simply live life and screw man-made society; Julia taught me that learning and skills doesn’t choose an age; Steve taught me how guts bring you somewhere (Life’s Lesson from Steve). Now, its up to me how would I apply the things they taught me, in real life.

Where do you want to go in life?

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. – Steve Jobs, 2005, Commencement address to Stanford University

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1 Comment»

  jhOy imPeRiaL wrote @

travel 🙂


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